For the past twelve months, Dane, you have made me believe
in love and made me feel the feeling of being in love. I can’t believe you
still give me this kilig emotions even after twelve months. I’m still really in
love with you just like how I felt when I first realized I want you to become
my future husband.
I still remember that day when you confessed to me that you
became attached with me (that was JULY!!!! BIRTHDAY NI YANGYANG!!!) and decided
to court me later that night. Yes, attached. You used that word to describe how
you felt, to explain why you became fond of holding my hands and clinging unto
me at random times. The wound on your heart your ex-girlfriend left was fresh:
it was a week ago when you two officially broke up. You then explained to me
that you were just waiting for a closure between the two of you since May.
Honestly, I didn’t think you’re really in love with me, and you’re just using
me to quickly heal your heart and help you forget your break-up. I was
supportive with your relationship, in fact (KAMI DUHA NI MING!!)! It was funny,
too, back in May, I was the first one you told about your break-up. I didn’t
expect it. Actually, I didn’t expect everything that came next. You courting me
was so out of the blue, and maybe, yes, maybe, you were just using me: I always
had that in mind. A fool I was, I just agreed: AND REALLY, YOU SERIOUSLY
COURTED ME. You even said you love me on that same night!!! Geez, every time I
remember that night I want to slap myself for being so marupok.
Plus, you stole my first kiss! Seriously, Dane? It’s one of
the worst things you did to me. You aren’t yet my boyfriend that time, but you
really kissed me. BUT I gave you a chance. How could I let go when I was just
tying my best to hide my growing feelings for you at that time? Aweeeee BUT
STILL I’m angry at you for stealing that one.
You’re not yet my boyfriend here but look how close we are
to each other na!!
FAST FORWARD it’s already a week after the board exam
results came, and I finally commit to you. It was just a simple yes, after your
visit at my house and greeting my parents. It was just a request from me, and
you did it. But actually, two months before I answered you, I already fell in
love with you. I was just waiting for the right time.
First Month of being ‘us’ CHAREEET
It was really a series of ups and downs for us, just like in
college. Since it was my first time to be in a relationship, everything I see
in movies, read in pocketbooks, I tried to do it to you; sending random
messages, checking you out at random times of the day, demanding your time,
attention, money (lol). Until you’ve grown annoyed with it. You didn’t like the
way I treat you. AND I didn’t like how you treat me TOO. It was like I’m just a
piece of annoyance in your life and whenever you’re bored, you just call me in.
It really didn’t work for me, because I have cried a lot of times because of
you. How many times have I already told you about the things that I do not like
but you always do with me? It was like my concerns just come and go inside your
head, without much thought about it.
When you send me home after a date night
It really makes me sad. You continue to ignore me with my
kaartehan, because you’re too focused on ‘more important’ things. So wasn’t I
really important to you?
Anyway, many times I already tried breaking up with you: but
you always say no. It was always of no use when I tried arguing with you about
break-ups, about what I feel. Because you always end up saying I love you and I
feel completely fine after that. See? That’s how much I love you.
I think there are also times you don’t see my worth. But
every time I would try to start a petty fight with you, the words ‘dili man
siguro jud ka ganahan sa akong whole existence’ always replay inside my head.
Now it made me wonder, I wasn’t just the only one who decided to stay despite
all the bad things that go on between us. That’s why every after fight, I have
always learned to love you more. You have made me realize a lot of things,
despite those other things that make me contemplate about having you as my boyfriend
(AND FUTURE HUSBAND CHAROT!!!).
Christmas! One plus one, two for life.
So here’s to the shitty yet wonderful months of us, Dane
Buenaventura Valderama. I know I have flaws as your overreacting, ugly, kind of
immature (IF I COMPARE BOTH OF US) girlfriend, but I know you’d still continue
to love me. Haha! And I know in myself too, that even if I had witnessed all
your sides, I’d still choose you over someone else (EVEN PARK CHANYEOL!!!). You’d
still be the one I want to be with for the rest of my life, the one I want to
create a family with, the one I would want to go to the church with. God knows
how much I love you and He knows too, that from every try I made in breaking up
with you, it was because of not being able to be a good partner towards you,
and not you (ENTIRELY LOL).
I love you so so so so so so so so so much, Dane. So much.
And I’m already missing you: but I know these will all be worth it. I always
wish you the best life could offer for you. Please always take care of yourself
while we’re not yet married. See you soonest and let’s make the coming months
of us happier!
